For my Dr.'s appointment she wants to know what personality traits I had before I crashed that we can utilize. Weird.... and to be honest I don't know what to tell her.
The first Heidi before the first crash I don't really remember much. The second...I surived with a lot of indifference for survival, fierce tenacity or I wouldn't be here, I give things more so than I give of myself, I don't know why. Ummmm. Sarcasm and Cynicism, humor to put on a constant face. Loyalty, Responsibility, over commitment. Mastered the art of carrying on a conversation through tears. That's about it......it should be an interesting visit.
I'm sure those that are still here indifference, tears, sarcasm/cynicism. I'm more fiesty than tenacious etc. I'm not as strong as before. I don't feel much. This cold isn't helping.

I forget why I moved out here. I need to get out of the house more often. Today is slightly windy and light rain. It smells and sounds good. The kill birds are chirping and mating. Soon we'll have little ones if the kids leave the eggs alone. New lambs, colts, horses. It's just nice and quiet. I forget when I'm in the house so much. I wish I had a Harry Potter invisibilty cloak. I think I'ld walk more........ok more than once a month or so. lol

Joy, happiness, alleviation, amusement, animation, bliss, charm, cheer, comfort, delectation, delight, diversion, ecstasy, elation, exultation, felicity, festivity, frolic, fruition, gaiety, gem, gladness, glee, good humor, gratification, hilarity, humor, indulgence, jewel, jubilance, liveliness, luxury, merriment, mirth, rapture, refreshment, rejoicing, revelry, satisfaction, solace, treasure, treat, wonder all these are elusive for now. I hope to find that wonder drug that makes what I see blessings versus how I view them. Miracles can happen. Hopefully in this life.

I keep thinking about vacation. I hope it goes well. It will or it will kill me. This will be interesting. Groups make me crazy......if I want to be alone and sleep etc. Vickie and I have been doing good. She checks on me once in a while and I spend some time there. Yikes. I think it will also tell how ready I am to go back to work. I don't know if I can handle walking into that place. I have to get rid of this accociation to the crash.