Well, mama left this afternoon. It is so comforting to have her here but, I think she deserves a big break and some time with dad. I don't think I even spoke 100 words while she was here and have only been awake a bit for 2 days or so. My house is pretty much spotless EVERYTHING is on hangers. I think she bought out Wal-Mart and we had full homemade meals each night. We're gonna see how it goes on my next visit to my psych Wed. to decide when she comes back.

This new med has me headachy and in a dreamy state. My body is awake (ok, maybe in not so much. I wouldn't pass the walk the line test) and my eyes are open but, I feel like I just can't keep my eyes open anymore. I also feel cold, which is odd for me. Yesterday I stayed up until 9:00 a new record for over a month even with constant napping. I only woke up twice. I have this new drug (abilify) fighting with my racing mind (too little paxil) and the complete empitness blahs from litium. Then the clonazapam won't help me sleep as well anymore. I this latest cocktail is at war. Is there a rule how many drugs you can take at a time? Right now I have 4. But over the last six months I bet I have tried at least 8 others. Then of course another 8 or so before Paxil became my drug of choice for 10+ years. How would I answer the question are those real? or natural? Honey, I'm not natural at all. I'm 100% synthetic allllll ovvvvverrrr.

I worked and worked to keep my sanity and to keep busy. Now I watch the clock just dreading my kids coming home. I love still silence, some sunshine has become a good thing vs. dark. UGH. No TV, maybe an occassional book, time enough to blog for a bit. I'm good. I considering a hostile takeover of Bryces job. Check your emails. time sensitive materials coming your way!