I'm nervous about mom and dad coming over. I'm going to try really hard to keep it cool and play "tough girl". What DO people expect to see when the come to visit the mentally ill? Usually, someone is sick you anticipate, bandages or stitches, a cast, an IV hooked up to ya, what? For the mental case....there isn't anything to see except maybe tired eyes. I think that is why it is harder for people to understand.

I look in the mirror and see someone totally different. It is weird. I can stand right in front of the mirror and I feel like I am looking at my reflection 6 feet back. I see that my eyes are empty. I look at the person and remember how young and alive, heck at one time I was even cute and wonder how someone can disappear even though the same shell and body is there. My hair is short and brittle, it is falling out, not breaking off, falling out. I will be twins with Corey soon. I have lost 6 pounds....pretty sure it is all water weight from tears and I don't crave much to eat. Still, 172 is a disgusting place to be.

Last night I cried and was upset during the night becuase I sent Valentines to my little neices and nephews and I didn't do anything for my parents or siblings. I suck. No as bad as the fact that I bought my dads bday card, put money in it and never mailed it. I can't find it and now he's coming here. Embarrassing. I don't know what I'm going to do.

As long as I'm quiet, blogging, and not thinking out loud, I shouldn't freek mom out and make her worry anymore than she already is and the weekend will be fine.

I think Wed. my report to the shrink::::::This drug makes me fiesty and ballsy with my thoughts; let's add a happy pill. :)