After a short nap a took a quick survey of the house because Rosa was coming (her monthly cleaning). I went upstairs, which I try to avoid at all cost. To no surprise Braydons room was a disaster. I found paper, crayon and tape (always plentiful in his room) and wrote. NO CLEAN. Then I walked into Haileys room.......Back to Braydons room to write the same note. Then I opened the bathroom. I'm sure Rosa would love to clean up underwear, an overflowing womans trash can which was exposing more than should be. Make-up smeared everywhere etc......Oh HELL TO THE NO! Rosa's job is to vacuumn and deep clean NOT to clean up filth and pig stys. I wrote another note and taped it to the door. I was told these were clean after sending multiple trips to thier room with very explicit instructions.

I remembered that here in town was a new little hair/spa space. I hadn't showered but, at least I graduated and put on jeans instead of PJ pants and put on one of Coreys hats to cover my bedhead. I got a semi decent hair cut and went short and spikey since I can't deal with it anymore and a simple mani/pedi. Not the kind they take off your callouses with that slicer thing but, scrubbed smooth anyway. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I got teary a few times when she pulled and textured my hair. Each person that helped me asked if I was ok twelve times but, I'ld just nod to the affirmative and didn't answer. They were nice enough to let it go. Last stop, to pick up Haileys contacts (also here in town) and head home. Only swerved once the whole trip. I'm a rock star.

My kids said that Rosa said "I saw letter on door.....no clean...but, you mom pay me ......so I clean....tell her I sorry". I was pissed. I let my kids have it. Remember the days you came home and your room was a sole pile in the middle of your floor........oh yeah. I don't know that we will be using Rosa much longer but, if we do she WILL NOT be doing the upstairs any longer. I still can't even get the kids to get started on it. Braydon forgot his spelling list for the 3rd week in a row. Being grounded in his room seems to suit him just fine.

I am not going to make these 3 weeks. It looks like some of my children may not be making it either.

Have you ran accross one of your old photos lately? Do your eyes look any different? Vickie had our engagement pictures out.....wow. I use to have twinkly blue eyes and a big smile. I forgot about her. I came back and looked at some here. Man, if it were a matching game using eyes only.... No one would get it right but, inside we are two totally different people now. Maybe because inside I feel like I am two steps back from everything, I'm not right here in the now. I watch things from an observational perspective. I envy and love to watch those who are bam present, confident and their eyes have what they are doing in focus, right their in the moment, reflecting their thoughts etc. I remember laughing, being excited for things, taking on a task and feeling like Sheera conquring it.....I wish I remember what it felt like, it was fun. The last time I had a good laugh was at moms when I almost peed my pants with Clints now famous saying. I don't remember one before or after then. You know what they say, what goes up must come down.......and the down part hits hard. That is the beauty of the art called... indifference.

These days drag on forever.......what do people do who stay at home? I started cleaning the pantry a few days ago. I couldn't climb up on a chair so, I had Hailey move some of that stuff around. fold clothes. Granted I need a nap each time, even these simple tasks make me cry with stupid frustrations. Still deciding on my vacation........I wish I had some good books to read.